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Message #139 NEW Posted on Sunday, July 20, 2008
I'm Hermione Fan. Hi guys! I just wanted to know what you thought of my story so far... BEEP BEEP BEEP
"Oh why did I buy that infernal alarm clock!" I rolled out of my twin bed and yawned. Grabbing the nearest clothes in sight, I headed to the bathroom. Scrub, rinse, repeat, scrub rinse repeat: the usual routine.
Another Monday. Coming off weekends is the worst time, even for the best student. Realizing you can't sleep in anymore is like dropping a heavy weight on a teenager's shoulders. On Mondays, the teachers hand back quizzes and tests from the previous week. As they hand them out, each red mark can be painful to the heart, especially when you go to an elite private school like I do.
I close my car door, yell my last goodbyes to my mom, and pull open the heavy doors to my middle school.
I'm an 8th grader, and I'm one of the oldest in my class. I have auburn hair, that just brushes my chin. My friend's are constantly nagging me to grow it out, but I never will. It's my signature look; it's unique. Among my friends, I'm known for being incredibly smart, a goody-two shoes, reserved, and a realist. Grades are everything to me. I prefer to work alone on projects, as I feel that I'm the only adequate one to do the work. There are just too many slackers in my school.
Message #138 NEW Posted on Saturday, July 19, 2008
I'm Dee-Bee. Allison- i think your story is brilliant so far, but theres just one sentence " breaking things, making things smash" i think it would sound much better if you didn't say 'things' so close together. maybe give examples of what thing are breaking. Just some constructive critecism.< br/> DB
Message #137 Posted on Thursday, July 17, 2008
I'm Lizzie. Oh.. I don't know how to change it but Thank you for telling me!:)
Message #136 Posted on Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I'm Kathryn. Hi! Lizzie, that's a good story so far! One thing I noticed though was when the three girls were introducing themselves to the new lady, they talked about their appearance. But would this really be necessary if the lady can see them? Just something you might want to change. Otherwise, it's really interesting!
Kathryn
Message #135 Posted on Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I'm Lizzie. Here is more of my Story.....- I am going to write in my journal some more. I put a hole in one of my moms tires but it was to small I guess. Lillie and Rose also have journals they are writing in them right now. bye! a lady called us in. "Good Bye Caroline" My ues to be mother said "Good Bye" I said She huged me. "I hope you find a nice home" "Me too!" I said and my ues to be mother went. I let Rose and Lillie share my stuff. Someone finaly wanted to see Me Rose and Lillie. The lady looked at us Head to toe. "Please. Tell me something about you." The lady said with a gruff voice. "Well.." I said "My name is Caroline, I am 12 years old. I have long wavey hair Bulegreen Eyes and I have been sent back here 4 times Not because I was bad because they think "Someone would want me more"." I told her. " You Two!" The lady yelled "Talk to me!" "My name is Rose. I am 10 years old. I also have BuleGreen eyes. I have only been her a few days." Rose told her. "Girl!" she yelled "Talk to me!" "My name is Lillie. I am 12 years old I have GreenBule Eyes. I am Rose's sister. And I have only been here a few days as well." " I will take them All!" Are new mother told the lady. "Go get your things!" Are new mother order. We went to are room to get are things. "Caroline" Rose said "I don't like her one bit." "I don't like her ether."Lillie "I don't like her as well but we have to go." I told them. We walked down the hall and I wondered Rose is Always happy she always finds the good in people. Not with this person. Yet anyways. "Are you ready girls?!" Are new mother asked. "Yes Ma'am." We said. "Good!" She yelled "In in the car!" she ordered. We went in the Car. "So Caroline" She braked " You Seem to be the ring leader right?" I said nothing............................ I will right more of the story later. Bye!
Message #134 Posted on Monday, July 14, 2008
I'm Allison. Hey guys here is more to my story known as.... On the Oceans Wings. As the sailor rushed to the gaurd house he tripped over the docking string. Everyone was freaking out and they didnt know what to do.
Jack, said the co captain are you okay?
Fine, said Jack. Give me a hand will you.
Jack we are in serious danger here. If we dont survive this tidal wave we could hit an iceburg, said alex, the co captain.
I know, I know said, Jack.
From a far away voice they could here someone shout "stop your chit chatting and hurry up". They both ran up to the boating wheel and made a sharp turn. Before they knew it they were hitting the worst part of the tidal wave. All of a sudden waves were hitting the deck and crashing into the front of the boat. Breaking things and making things crash.
You could hear the people rumbling downstairs trying to see what was going on.
There is another part of it.
Message #133 Posted on Monday, July 14, 2008
I'm Allison. Thanks Lizzie.. .I liked yours too... I want to hear more of your story!!!
Message #132 Posted on Sunday, July 13, 2008
I'm Lizzie. Allison- Your story is great so far! I also like to write. What do you think of my story so far?
Message #131 Posted on Friday, July 11, 2008
I'm Allison. Hey guys.... Its Allison..I'm new to this site and i am trying to write a book..I don't know how good this is though.. It's called On the Oceans Wings.Here is a piece.. The sailor looked down from the railings of the boat. He whistled as he stared at the raging waves below him. He got back up, went to the front of the boat, and stood on the on the last silver bar. As he turned around he looked at the stars in the sky thinking about the land he owned. He put his arms out pretending to fly on the oceans wings. It was late and he had a big sailing day tomorrow. He went back to his cabin and fell asleep. The next morning he woke up to the rays of sun beaming through the window. He put on his sailor hat and made his way up to the boating room. As he shifted the speed Carol,his wife, leaned over from the side of the boating wheel and kissed his cheek. From the far side of the boat he heard bells ringing and echoing. As soon as he heard the sound he knew what it meant. Looking through the telescope he saw a tidal wave coming. He was pacing thinking of an idea of want to do but, it had to be fast! That was just some of it. If you guys keep giving me ups on it i will continue to write.
Message #130 Posted on Wednesday, July 9, 2008
I'm Isabella. Write more Lizze!! That is a good story so far, and I want to know more!!
I will take this opportunity to also say that I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. Our computer is broken and I'm using a different one right now. Please be patient for a bit more. Thank you!!
Message #129 Posted on Tuesday, July 8, 2008
I'm Lizzie. Hey everyone! People say I am a good writer I want to know what you think so here is go's...-The harsh wind blew off my hat when I was chaseing it I saw a poor little girl. Handing out flyers. She looked about 10 years of age. She has A big smile to go with her big BuleGreen eyes. I wondered Why is this little girl so happy? I walked up to the little girl but before I went I asked her "What is your name? How old are you? Why are you working? You look to young to do so." "I am Rose. I am 10 years old. And I am working for my sister." Rose told me "Who are you? And how old are you?" She asked me "I am Carol and I am 12 years old." "Where are your mom and dad?" I asked her. She didn't say a word. "Oh.... Would you like to meet my mom?" I asked her "Sure!" She said Happyly "I will go get my sisters. She ran till I could not see her. When I saw her again she was with her sister. "Hi" said of Rose's sister said to me "I am Lillie and I am 12 years old And I also work." "I am Caroline I am also 12 years old" Come over to my house." "Ok" said Lillie We went to my house then out again My mom is bring them to the orfange! I am now very mad at her so I am writing in my journal. My mom is bring Lillie and Rose to the Orfange! I had no say in it at all! I am an only child. I am also very smart. I pooked a hole in one of the tires before My mom drove out. I don't like the orfange because I am from there to. My mom picked my out. It has not been working out so I am going with them too! I am now very upset Lillie is too but when I look at Rose. She looks Ok. She just has a thing that makes you feel good."We are here" said my mom "We all walked in the waiting room and we waited.................. What do you think? Should I still write more of it? Lizzie
Message #128 Posted on Tuesday, June 24, 2008
I'm Annie. OMG Isabell. That is a awsome story. I long for more.
Message #127 Posted on Monday, June 23, 2008
I'm Lizzie. Hey Isabella! I love The Navigator the best! Keep up the good work!
Message #126 Posted on Sunday, June 22, 2008
I'm jinx. thankyou Isabella- is your name really isabella becasue isabella is the main character of twilight by stephanie mayer- it think thats so kewl! anyways that's just the first part. im not sure what to write next
Message #125 Posted on Thursday, June 19, 2008
I'm Maddie. Hi Isabella! Like I said, I like your book.
Message #124 Posted on Thursday, June 19, 2008
I'm Isabella. OK, I only have 1 vote on my stories and that was for the second story about baby Caroline.
If you didn't read the beginning, please go back to my earlier posts and read the second story. The story was called Stoneskipper's Hero. I'm going to wait till tomorrow to start the story, so if there are any more last minute votes, get them out there! The talking tree story (called Why Only Questions?) Will continue after Stoneskipper's hero, meaning I will continue to write and finish that one after I'm done with this one. Sorry if that is too confusing!
Message #123 Posted on Thursday, June 19, 2008
I'm Maddie. Hi everyone! You've all written such amazing things! Keep it up!
Here's a bit from my own story.
The night was quiet and still. The only sounds were the crackling of the dying campfire next to the sleeping cowboy. The cowboy, known as Lonesome Lyons, was tall, slim, and sunburned. He lay with his enormous hat covering his eyes. Nearby, his herd of cattle lay asleep on the dusty bare ground. The forlorn plains were bathed in moonlight, causing an almost eerie affect. Then the moon was hidden by a dark cloud, stealing all light from the plains. Lonesome stirred slightly in his sleep but did not wake. If he had, however, he would have noticed the shadowy figure that was creeping towards him and his herd. Had he awoken, he would have seen that the man was drawing nearer and pulling a sleek revolver from a holster concealed on his belt. The moonlight suddenly appeared on the plains, casting the figure into focus. The man was large and powerfully built. His face was unshaven and coarse. His eyes were determined and looked almost crazed. He didn't seem to mind the fact that the moonlight was causing him to be visible to the naked eye. Instead, he continued on, slowly making his way to the cattle. Finally, once he was in the middle of the herd, he stopped. A terrible grin appeared on his face as he lifted his revolver high into the air and pulled the trigger. To the human ear, there was no sound. But the cattle all awoke with a start, getting to their feet and looking around. But they made no sound. The man shot his revolver again and the cattle began to walk. The man began herding the cattle to a place of his own choosing, with great skill. Before long the cattle, along with the man, had disappeared into the night.
Tell me what you think as soon as possible!
Message #122 Posted on Thursday, June 19, 2008
I'm Lizzie. Hey Jenna! I love your book! I write a chapter book on a penpal website. Keep writeing!
Message #121 Posted on Thursday, June 19, 2008
I'm Jenna.
This is the next part of the Princess Destiny story:
When Destiny woke up, there was still a stinging pain in her head. She lay back down, hoping to get some rest.
Suddenly, Destiny was tossed across the floor. She then relized that the floor was wood, not at all like the fur carpeting she had at home. She sat up again, this time to look around.
'How strange!' thought Destiny.
There was a wooden chest in the corner and a small oak desk in another. There was a door that looked as though it led to another room higher up. Destiny thought she was on some kind of deck- on a ship! She stood up.
Destiny noticed a trapdoor leading to an underground storage room. There were noises coming from this door. She could tell they were human voices, although she couldn't hear what they were saying. Destiny looked around some more. There were fur rugs scattered around the deck. She walked over to one. Whoever had made this had not bothered to the head of the badger off. The rug had a very sinister look to it with the narrow eyeless slits on the head.
Destiny still didn't have the faintest idea where she was. She walked to the side of the deck and looked out. She gaped at the sight that stared back at her.
As far as she could she, it was blue. It looked as though she was caught in another demension. The sky was a perfect, clear blue. The sea that she was sailing on was the same color blue. Where the sea ended and the sky began, she could not figure out. She had to take the chance and jump over board. She had to escape this ship.
Just then, the trapdoor opened and out came-
Pirates!
Seven, to be precise.
"Well, she finally woke up!" one of the said, who was carrying a bag that looked quite heavy. They all looked quite scary to Destiny.
"Who are you?" she asked. "What am I doing here? Why did you take me away?" destiny had too many questions.
"I'm Nick, you are here on the King's orders, and we rescued you."
I hope you guys are enjoying this! I sure am! Thanks again. I'll be back with the next part soon.
Message #120 Posted on Thursday, June 19, 2008
I'm Isabella. OK, while I'm waiting for your votes on my story, here is a short story:
My friend, Anna, and I walk up to the trapdoor on the floor of the abandoned bookstore.
"You go first!" Anna says, a hint of excitement in her voice.
True, I am excited, but I do not want to go first.
Anna must have been way to excited for her own good because she said,"I'll go!"
Before I could do anything, she opens up the trapdoor and jumps. Then she screams.
She screams as loud as I ever heard her.
"Aaaaaahhhh!!"
Then I hear a growl. It seems to loud for a dog. Before I could ponder that anymore, I relize that the noise is coming from the trapdoor!
"Anna!" Silence.
I turn around to get help. I relize it might be too late! I turn around and jump in.
"Anna?" I spotted her on the floor.
Her arm was bent in a strange way. I could tell it was broken. Her head was bleeding. There was a river of blood coming from it. I didn't know what to do!
There was a growl, I screamed, there was a stinging pain, and that was all I remember.
I woke up to find myself in a hospital bed. I lifted up my head, but lay down again, because I felt dizzy. A doctor came to my bedside. He was about to say something, but I interupted him.
"Is Anna alright?" I ask. He looks at me and doesn't answer. I can tell from his eyes that she isn't. She never will be.
OK, can you all tell me what you think? Thanks!
Message #119 Posted on Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I'm Isabella. That is a really good story! I can't wait to hear the rest of it! I hope you write more stories on here.
Message #118 Posted on Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I'm Jenna. Please tell me what you think about this story. I would like to know.
Princess Destiny sat on the sill of her window, looking out over the city. Ships were coming in the harbor. Destiny always loved watching the ships come in. She felt free when ever she rode on a boat.
She directed her gaze away fro the harbor and looked upon the city. The little dots that were people moved about, hurrying to get inside the house before dark. Destiny felt safe up here on her window sill.
Destiny turned her eyes on the harbor again. A large barge was just pulling in. She watched it float slowly in.
Next thing she knew, Destiny was flying through the air.
"Aaahh!" she screamed.
Lucky for her, there were lilac bushes right below her window. With a soft 'thump', Destiny landed. She sat there for a minute, recovering herself from the fall.
Still a bit dizzy, Destiny set of for the draw bridge surrounding the castle. To her horror, however, she dicovered that the bridge was already pulled up for the night. She screamed as loud as she could, hoping to get attention. She did. A dull 'thunk!' and a sharp pain was the last memory Destiny had.
To be continued...
I hoped you liked it! Thanks for taking the time to read this!
Message #117 Posted on Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I'm Hi! My name is Isabella!. OK, my dream is to become an author. If you guys could tell me what you think of this, that would be great! Here it goes:
No one ever knew why it was there. No one ever knew why it only said questions.
But it was there. And it only spoke in questions.
And it was a tree. A talking tree. In StoneSkipper Forest.
It wasn't an erie forest. It was a beautiful forest. Every Christmas people came there to get a tree. It was filled with hundreds of thousands of them. But there was only one talking tree.
It was a beautiful evergreen. Icicles hung like sparkling needles on it in the winter. Children often built snow forts in frone of it for snowball fights when their parents were getting a Christmas tree. In the summer, one girl would climb the tree's branches for fun. But times were getting rough.
A tree desease called Blister Rust was affecting StoneSkippper Forest. Officers and firemen were cutting down trees. Lucky for the talking tree, she was well hidden. She hoped no one would cut her down.
OK, that is not the whole story, but just a small part. I'm giving you two stories (only parts of them). Whoever reads them, could you tell me which one you like better? I'll count up the votes and continue the story which got the most votes. Here is the next one:
A large ship called 'The Navigator' was anchored on the shore of Dumpy Beach. A baby and her mom were watching it with intrest- at least baby Caroline was.
"I bet you would love to captain that ship someday!" Caroline's mom was saying. "But your father and I would like you to grow up to be something more important- something like a hero!"
Of course, Caroline had no idea what her mom was saying, but her mom was right: she would like nothing more than to steer that ship. She knew the chance were very slim, but she thought that someday she might have a crew of her own...
OK those are my two stories. I'll be checking for your votes. 1) The talking tree or 2) Baby Caroline.
One more thing, the 'm' and 'u' keys on my keyboard are really sticky so if there is a word in the stories you don't recognize, it might be missing a letter.
Thanks for reading my stories! You guys are really helping out with my writing!
Message #116 Posted on Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I'm My name is Isabella. Hi Jinx! I read your story and WOW is that ever good! You are a really good writer. Is that just part of your story or is that all? I think you should write other stories. You are really good.
Message #115 Posted on Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I'm Maddie.
Ten Tips For Writers by Christopher Paolini
Tip 1-Read a lot. But don't just read for enjoyment, take a book you know is well-written and study how the author constructs the sentences and paragraphs. Also examine how he or she gets readers emotionally involved-whether through use of an engaging style, the character's situations, or a conbination thereof.
Tip 2-Write about what you love most. This will inspire you to write your best and keep working if you temporarily lose confidence. Take the ideas and feelings that are important to how you live and use them as the basis or your writing. If, however, the prospect of weaving your own story doesn't make your blood burn with excitement, find an easier profession. Writing is for the obsessed.
Tip 3-Know the craft intimately. Part of this comes from reading widely and seeing how other authors use the English language, but the rest involves studying grammar to learn what is and isn't appropriate. And use a thesaurus to expand your vocabulary.
Tip 4-Avoid cliches. Simple, but tough. Whern writing description, dialogue, and characterization, the first phrase that pops into your head may be a hackneyed line that you've seen so many times it's become burned into your brain. Try to state what you want to say using your own words.
Tip 5-Avoid passive voice. Instead of "The deadline was missed by the applicant." Write "The applicant missed the deadline." The noun should direct the verb in a straightforward manner. There are a few exceptions.
Tip 6-Be conscious of your point of view. Unless you're using omniscient POV, stick with whatever character the reader is experiencing the book through, and don't write about anything that character wouldn't her, see, or know. If you do switch viewpoint, whether in 1st or 3rd person, make sure it's clear you've done so and that there's a good reason for it. To help with this, I recommend Orson Scott Card's book Characters and Viewpoint
Tip 7-Learn how to plot a story. Things have to actually happen in a book. In order to make sense, events are usually arranged in a linear manner that builds from the least to the most important. I recommend Robert McKee's book Story-though intended for screenwriters, it covers the basics of how to structure a great story.
Tip 8-Avoid excess words. Say only what you need to convey your point.
Tip 9-Don't be afraid to edit heavily! No one gets things right the first time. As an author, English teacher, or other knowledgable person to read and edit yoru manuscript. Because he or she is not emotianally tied to the book, he will be able to point out ways to improve your work. Don't take the comments personally, but try to learn from them.
Tip 10-Persistance. This is the hardest point to master. Writing consistently is the best way to improve. Write, write, write until the words no longer seem jarring, until you have confidence in dealing with various parts of the craft-dialogue, description, action, grammar-and until you can achieve whatever effect or emotion you want.
Message #114 Posted on Sunday, June 15, 2008
I'm Andy. I loved Princess Smily and the Hippopotumas. It was well thought out. I can't wait to read the rest.
Message #113 Posted on Thursday, June 12, 2008
I'm Maddie. Hi Annie! Wow!
Message #112 Posted on Thursday, June 12, 2008
I'm Annie. This is a part of a story I am writing called Princess Smiley and the Hippopotamus. Tell me what you think. Princess Smiley was sitting in her room reading her favorite book, Hippo Little, for the a millionth time, probably. All over her room were posters of hippopotamuses and her city, Hippopotamus Land. On her desk there were hundreds of letters from zoos, wildlife foundations, and even Africa about there hippos. She lay on her bed, put down her book, leaned against her hippo pillow and began to think. She knew Hippos would not make good pets, but she still began to plan another speech to her daddy and mommy about a pet hippo. How should this one go, she thought. Hmmm, maybe, As you know I would like a hippopotamus. No, to formal. What about, can I please have a hippo. No, that sounds childish. "Knock Knock, Ms. Princess Destiny Hope, Lunch is ready." called her maid, Trisha. "For the millionth time, call me Princess Smiley." Princess Smiley called back. During Lunch, Princess Smiley continued to think. I've used every beg, plead, whine, and argument in the book. Maybe Lizzie will have some ideas."How is the search for a hippo coming?" Lizzie, Princess Smiley's B.F.F, asked. "Failure at every attempt." She replied. "Good" "Good? What kind of friend are you?" "Whoa, slow down. I haven't finished yet." Lizzie said "Look at this." Lizzie said as she handed Princess Smiley a piece of paper. Princess Smiley couldn't believe her eyes; she was looking at a print out of directions to a store called Rent-A-Hippo! "OMG! Where did you get this?" Princess Smiley asked, her eyes wide with awe. "I found an add for it in the paper, then looked it up online." Lizzie replied proudly. "This will be the best argument yet!" "What if we rent a hippo?" Princess Smiley asked her Mommy and Daddy after school. "You know how we feel about hippopotamuses, sweetheart." Her mother replied. "But if I get a hippo it would teach me responsibility." She pried "We said NO." said Daddy "What if we rented a hippo for a week to see if I am responsible." Daddy whispered to Mommy for a minute. "We are not doing anything for spring break." Daddy said to his daughter, "So it would be a perfect time to rent a hippopotamus, but ONLY for a week, and if in doesn't work out, he stays at the pet store and there will be no more hippos. Understand?" Princess Smiley smiled her biggest smile and nodded. She knew it would work out. On Saturday afternoon Princess Smiley, Mommy, and Daddy took the carriage down to the Rent-A-Hippopotamus store. "Excuse me," Daddy said to the man at the register. Can we look at your hippopotamuses?" "Through that door." The man said pointing to a steel door in the back of the store. The store looked nice in the front, with hippo posters and nicely displayed treats and toys, but the disgusting smell of the hippo cages was terrible. Princess Smiley thought there should be gas masks at the entrance. There were 10 hippo cells. Princess Smiley looked at all of them carefully. Wow! She thought So many hippos so little time. She had her eye on 2 hippos in particular, Dinglewitz and Minnie. She liked Minnie because she was female and pretty, but she seemed shy. Dinglewitz was curious and male. I think Dinglewitz will be more fun, and I do want adventure. He is the one. "Mommy, Daddy, I want this one." Princess Smiley announced to her parents. Mommy and Daddy glared at Dinglewitz. Why, they thought, looking at Dinglewitz massive body. "Are you sure, sweetheart?" Mommy asked hopefully "Yes," said Princess Smiley "I'm sure." Daddy, Mommy, and Princess Smiley went up to the front desk. Princess Smiley was relived to be out of that stinky room. "Pardon me," said Daddy to the cashier, "we would like to purchase Dinglewitz." "Just fill out these forms." The cashier said as he walked to the door. In a moment, he came back with Dinglewitz on a lead. Daddy traded the man the paper work for Dinglewitz. Thanks for reading, hope you liked it.
Message #111 Posted on Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I'm Maddie. Wow.
Message #110 Posted on Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I'm Jinx. Hi, I am writing a new story called HOSTAGE and here's a bit of what it is- (beware- it is very sad and crucial) 0-The beginning of the end
I stood in the middle of the meadow. Waves flew across the green and yellow grains and the wind ripped me apart. I was like the victim, which I knew I was already one inside my father's house. I walked farther on pretending I was walking to freedom. My heart felt broken and I wanted it to mend. I wanted to runaway, I wanted to die, I wanted some peace, I wanted to go explore the world- I wanted a lot of things. Every birthday our maid would come up to me and ask what I wanted. Every birthday I replied that I wanted to die. And every night of my birthday my father would come up to me in my sleep and clobber me for saying what I did. I would wake the next day sore and heartbroken. My father hated me.
As I walked on I picked out a few lonely flowers for the maid. They were a lovely colour purple and smelt like lavender. I never knew what they were called. I was having an exceedingly peaceful time when I heard a roar of engine and a door slam viciously. I looked up to see my father standing beside his truck, red in the face. He looked angry. Angrier than I have ever seen him before. My footsteps had frozen and in an instant I found my-self running away from him back towards the kitchen. I never looked back to see if my father had seen me.
Maid Catherine was making dinner when I entered the door. She looked up and smiled when she saw the flowers in my hands. And then her smile slowly disappeared when her eyes locked onto my face.
"Cathy!" I gasped. "Oh Cathy! Have you seen? Oh have you not heard?! Daddy's back!"
Cathy looked puzzled and frightened as she ran across the kitchen to make her way to the front door. I stayed in the kitchen looking for a place to hide my flowers. I could find nowhere!
I heard my father, I heard his steps, and I heard him shouting as he made his way to the kitchen. I also heard Cathy Crying and I wondered what all the commotion was about. I stayed frozen where I was, pretending to be invisible- so that when my father comes in, hopefully he will not see me. That was obviously impossible, but I had no other choice. I closed my eyes as he turned the knob of the door and shook it open vigorously. In two enormous strides he had me by the shoulders and was shaking me making my head spin. I cried out in terror and Cathy came up to my rescue. Father pushed her away violently and she slipped, banging her head against a table full of flour.
"you little Rat!!" he roared, "you little ungrateful child; how dare runaway from me!" He spat in my face as I cringed, and pulled me by the hair. Out of the corner of my wet eyes I could see Cathy lying unconscious on the kitchen floor.
Father dragged me by the hair and made me climb the stairs until we reached my bedroom. He banged open the door and threw me upon the bed. I could see fire in his eyes as he closed the door behind him and turned towards my frightened posture. My heart was beating at a high speed and I felt I could retch all my lunch out. My head was spinning and I was sure I was bleeding where my father had pulled my hair.
He raised his hand and I whimpered.
"Daddy, no! Please," I cried. "please don't hurt me. I'm sorry" I blubbered noisily as he stared at me with hating eyes. He growled angrily and then pounced. His hand slapped my face and I fell across the bed. In an instant he had me by the throat and my eyes were bulging.
"stop!" I begged, "stop daddy!"
Father hissed and let go. I sat up weeping and caressing my swollen neck. I felt a sharp pang across my forehead and I realized he had hit me again. He then just looked at me and I could see laughter in his eyes as he saw the pain I was in. Apparently that was not enough because I saw him undoing his belt. For a second I thought he was going to rape me but that wasn't the case. He lifted his arm and slashed the belt down firmly on me. I screamed in crucial agony as the belt contacted my right thigh. Blood immediately rolled out of me and I held my leg in my hands gasping and crying. I screamed as he launched the next attack, which was upon my back. I howled as he tore me apart. Over and over again he hurt me, he hurt me and he hurt me. Every time he hit me I wailed and hollered in notorious pain. Thirteen times he marked me, thirteen times he tore me, thirteen times a year on my birthday he enjoyed it, and at thirteen years old today, my father had enough of me.
Today my father hated me more than anything..
Today was the worst day of my life..
Today my father murdered me.
......Ok guys so tell me what you think- many thanks- Jinx
Message #109 Posted on Friday, May 30, 2008
I'm Mia. Hi every one. I am new to this site and I live in the UK - England and I am just 12. Here is a bit of my book! Chapter one. Athew Rodeero was sprinting through the town of Montage on a Kingdom called Laraunda. In his hurry he managed to knock over two apple stands and trip over a wizards cloak. But all his manners had slipped his mind and he was just able to cry 'sorry' as he ran up the hill to his house. Finally he stopped and crouched down clutching his side and panting heavily. He stood in front of a small cream colored cottage, with a round red door witch had honeysuckle growing around it and square little windows. Straightening up he walked down the neat little path leading to the door. Just as he had his hand on the golden door handle the door swung open and a short skinny man with square little glasses was glaring at him, hands on hips. " Where in the name of uncle Merlins feet have you been?" The man growled. " I'm so sorry father! But Mr Pixies kept me in for five minuets just because a put a tap dancing spell on Roland's feet-" " enough, enough!" the man said, flapping his hands about " we are already" he checked his watch " five.. FIVE minuets late!" he grabbed Athew's hand and they started down the path. Athew's father worked for Lord Montage of the North and he wanted Athew to get a taste of what hard work is in the ' real world '. So he has set up a work experience for Athew. They were traveling to the Montage castle, quite a while away, to run through what Athew would be doing for the next two weeks. They walked through town Montage first, Athew hiding his face from the apple merchant and the old wizard who was still out shopping. Both gave Athew dirty looks. At the outskirts of town Montage was the beginning of Dragon Valley. The dragons were safe creatures but Athew didn't feel the most relaxed when one swooped over his cottage! There was a purple carriage with a black stallion attached to the carriage awaiting them that Athew's father had pre-booked. Athew was looking forward to riding through dragon valley as it was rare for him to get a good look at all the magical life inside the woods. It was just as amazing as he imagined. He saw all sorts of wild life, what he thought at first was a large bumble bee turned out to be a happy humming fairy flying past. He also a lilac robit ( like a rabbit ) munching happily on some blue dandy lions. But his wonders soon came to an end when instead of trees and the muddy path ahead of them. But now it was the turquoise coloure of the river splonge. They got off at the port and caught the nearest boat. The waves were fierce , like always on the Splonge. As the green sea monster had awoken and was hunting for her food. Luckily she only ate large fish, not humans. But Athew was frightened all the same. He peered down at the crashing waves hitting the wood of the boat when suddenly a green blur appeared. Athew squinted his eyes when all of a sudden the sea monsters head shot up, teeth bearing and it snapped at Athew's head. Athew tried to back away from the edge but he was spell bound at the monster. He ducked several times from the monsters teeth but he was gazing at the monsters red eyes. Soon the monster stopped attacking and realized he was being looked at. It rose higher from the water and started hissing like a snake, Athew's ears pricked up and he started to work out what it was saying; " come down here, sssssee the mermen sswim and sssee the turtlesss glide come!" Athew was transfixed on the eyes and he started drawing closer to the monster. He was ever so close to it now when suddenly he was pulled back and men started shooting arrows at the sea lurker. " Argh you and your ssstupid weaponss arghhh" it dived under the water and conjured a huge waved that crashed down onto the boat. Athew was lying on the deck gasping for air. He felt dizzy and sick and as if his lungs had be tied in a knot. He looked up and his dad was looking down at him looking for once worried. " Athew? Can you hear me? Are you ok? " t-the sea monster it - it hypnotized me" Athew croaked, struggling up. " Yes. The wretched thing had slept for so long , days in fact, that he was so desperate for food he pounced on the nearest ship." Athew looked around, sailors were throwing the sea water out of the boat and the captain had tried speeding up the boat so that they would land and escape the great waves. All of a sudden Athew realized he didn't like boats. Might do chapter two soon. Please write and tell me what you think, Mia.
Message #108 Posted on Sunday, May 25, 2008
I'm Jamie. Thank you, Maddie. I hope you like it. And I'm sorry about the pharagraphs...My computer's being stuborn... I looked back to see a man glaring at me with blood red eyes. "Jamie, pay attintion," Kandace nudged me. Those creatures are master thieves, one of these creatures can kill three men in less than ten minutes. I an Omines prayed we would not come scrossed the "King" he was said to be over seven feet tall and as strong as a dragon. I couldn't help but feel a shiver of ice against my skin. I looked at the floor and saw a black mist incircling me, 'They can not save you now!' the mist took the form of snake and wrapped around me. Kandace blinked and turned to see the black mist that seemed invisable to everyone else in the room. "Jamie!" Kandace yelled, "She grabbed her dagger from her belt and raised it at the beast, "Get back!" She hissed, the silver dagger then turned pure gold: Light rays emmitted from the blade. Artrix blinked, having Kandace turn on him quickly. "Artrix! What do you see with your sorcerer sight?" Artrix focused and saw the snake mist. "Jamie! No!" He rose. So did the snakes head with his. "Be gone foul beast! You and your lord have no power here!" The snake hissed and, as quick as lightning, bit at Kandace's head, only to snatch her daggar when she guarded her face. She fell to the floor. Clutching her hand. "Kandace!" Omines yelled. He ran to her side, "What happened? To you. To Jamie. To all of you!" Kandace looked up and gasped, "It'll strike again!" The snake hissed and showed fangs longer than three feet. Omines held Kandace's hand tighly in his, "I promise HE will pay," He said to her as her wound turned black. Kandace, however, ignored the pain and focused on me, "We...we have to help J-Jamie, quickly!" I held my breath, and, with all my strength, looked thru hazy eyes to see the same, red-eyed man standing in the corner. His eyes seemed to be focused on the snake with unblinking eyes. His head and most of his body were covered in a black robe- His red eyes were the only thing visable on him at this time. The snake, suddenly, raised it's head high in the air, and hissed. A wave shot acrossed the ground. It seemed that it had revealed itself to everyone. Omines stared up at it with wide eyes while all the guards seemed startled, but, then, sprung forward with their swords held high. The snake glared at them as though they were nothing but grains of dirt. Then, to my horror, it lowered it's head to mine and unlatched it's jaws to make it so I could fit inside. "God, no." I whispered. Everyone's voices could no longer be heard to my ears, and, even my father, Artrix, seemed powerless. "Where is your power no, mage?" Hissed the snake. It leaned close and I closed my eyes. "Ven'go'even!" Yelled a sudden voice. I was jerked to the left, and felt a icy chill in my left arm. I opened my eyes to see the jaws of the snake ajar. I, being in such shock and pain, fainted. Every thing faded from sight, and memory. Sudden voices woke me in what looked to be mid-day. I looked about to see the nurse scuring around rapidly, only to stop when she saw me sit upright. "Well, bless my soul!" I blinked. "What...what happened last night? And...Kandace?" The nurse skided to a stop at my side. "Last night? Why, everyone was in here like they were two days ago!" I blinked again. "And Kandace...?" Miss Cherish, the nurse's real name, placed a hand over her heart. "After I tended to her wound, she ran straight to you. It seems that nothing can seperate you two." "Where is she?" My vision was still hazed, along with my memory. "I sent her to rest after she was by your side for the past two days. Even after I had sent everyone else away." Awsered Miss Cherish, then, she covered me up even more when she saw me shiver. "Your father was here too...Along with a very strange man that kept asking for you." I shifted uneasily as the pain in my arm seemed to spread. "Did you get his name?" Miss Cherish sighed, "Alas, no. He was too secreative to speak with me. But, Artrix seemed to be the only one he would talk too. I think it was because of Kandace..." I rolled my eyes, "What did she do now?" Miss Cherish gave a light smile, "She blamed that strange man. She even gave him a peice of her mind, she did!" I could see it now. Her yelling at him and, more than likely, stabing him in the foot with her spiked heels. "Now, your highness, it's time for you to rest." With that she blew out the candles and consealed my bed behind a thick curtain. I closed my eyes and fell into an uneasied dream of what seemed to be creatures and animals that looked to be cursed. 'What happened to them?' I thought in my dream. 'They are mine,' Awnsered a voice, 'changed by my dark arts.' Artrix stood outside with that same hooded man. ''Artrix, they can not stay here forever." He said as he looked over into my now darkened room. The light from the hall was the only light that fell on me. Artrix turned, "They shall if need be," The man did not seemed pleased. "No, Artrix, even as we speak HE is growing stronger--I can feel it." Artrix sighed, "Why is it that every time we meet, you always give me a head-ache?" The man hunched his shoulders, "Maybe because you have the ears of a bat and don't know when to stop listening." Artrix turned to see a smile under his dark hood. "I don't stop listening because it might be important," The hooded man crossed his arms and turned his back to Artrix. "Old bat..." He muttured. "As old as I may be, this "Bat" knows a thing or two. Unlike you. Your as stuborn as a mule!" Artrix snorted.
Message #107 Posted on Friday, May 23, 2008
I'm jessica. if you are writing a non-fiction book do not do the page numbers until the very last step.
Message #106 Posted on Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I'm Maddie. Wow Jamie! That's really cool.
Here's something else I'm working on since my other story I was posting earlier has ended up going no where. Lemme know what you think.
I fly out to the mailbox, hoping that the letter from the editor has come at last. Yes! There it is! I slam the mailbox closed in excitement and tear open the envelope already imagining the letter of praise and acceptance. Eagerly, I begin to read.
Dear Ms. Davidson,
We here at Teen Stories are sorry to inform you that your piece, "River of Tears" has been rejected by our literary office. It does not meet our criteria and you are simply too young to publish your work in our magazine. Please find the manuscript we sent you enclosed.
-Sophia MgGregor
Editor in chief at Teen Stories magazine
I am frozen with shock. How can this be? How could they reject my book? It's not fair. I worked so hard on this book. I'll be 13, a teenager, in 2 months. I'm almost a teenager. They can have rejected me. I angrily crumple up the letter and throw it in the bushes in a fit of rage. Then, without even pausing to get the rest of the letters, I begin to run. Tears stream down my face, blinding me, but I do not care. I just keep running. I'm not even going anywhere in particular. I just want to get away. Get away from the awful rejection letter. Finally, I am completely out of breath and I flounce down on the ground where I am. I have no idea where I am and I don't care. I just sit there, rocking back and forth, sobbing. Everything is a blur, I'm numb. I just can't bear it. It is the 14th rejection letter that I have received for "River of Tears" in 3 months. Nobody liked my work. Everyone said I was too young. I am running out of places to send my book. I look down at the envelope that the editor sent for the first time. I pull out the manuscript. I begin to read.
Chapter 1
She stepped into the River of Tears and cried out as the boiling water of the river slammed into her feet.
I stop reading. I finally understand now. I dry my tears and get to my feet. I understand now why they won't publish it. Because my story is terrible. Because I'm simply a terrible writer. I'm too young to be a writer. No body will ever like what I write so why bother. Now my sadness and shock turns to anger. I run to the garbage can a few yards away from me and throw the papers into it. I keep running for a total of 3 yards and then stop. I look back at the garbage can, having second thoughts. But no, I decide. "River of Tears" is beyond salvation. I turn away and begin to run again. I do not stop running until I'm home. I burst in the kitchen door and slam it so forcefully, that my mother jumps. "Kelsi," she says, startled. "Whatever is wrong?" But I don't listen to her. I ignore her completely. I run up the stairs into my bedroom and throw myself onto the bed. I begin to cry again. I cry myself to sleep.
Don't be afraid to criticize. I'm not sure if I even like this particular piece. It was a spur of the moment thing. (:
Message #105 Posted on Saturday, May 17, 2008
I'm Mandy. Hey, I'm awful busy, so does anybody else think they could write the next part? I think it was Angela's turn next anyway. I promise I will go after her (or whoever else) , but so we don't mess up the order of things (and I am awful busy anyway) I think Angela should go next, then me, then the next person.. and on and on, like it was. lol. Alright, hope this is okay!
Message #104 Posted on Thursday, May 15, 2008
I'm Jamie. Hey, here is the part that came just before that part. Oh, and I'm sorry about the paragraphs. I forgot to do that, but in my file of the book I'm working on it has a LOT of paragraphs. It should be right now. Omines stood in the throne room. He, being of no royal blood, was not used to the cleanlness of Pavalon. He went to the balcony and peered down at Kandace and myself. "We should do what was ment to be done, now." He muttered to himself. "I want them out of this now...Kandace, being a rogue, sould have little or no problems with it...But...I worry...For Jamie..." "You need not worry," Came a voice. Omines turned to see Artrix. "My dear, dear, friend. Jamie...shall not make the journy, nor will Kandace." Omines seemed bewildered," Artrix, we can't sit here and allow HIM to take over OUR land, HE is coming, and you know it well," Artrix shook his head. "This is no life for OUR daughters. If they get even to the borders of Cordor and use a single spark of magic, HE, along with every navrak and Bat-Rider, will know where they are, if they bleed, the bat-riders will find and slew them, and... that awful creature we caught... He isn't dead, he, along with everything else, is a servant to HIM. HE can't be slew, no blade can touch him...except...there is one..." "One? One what? What are you talking about, Artrix?" Omines seemed somewhat startled, afraid even. Artrix looked down at us with Omines. "You didn't let me finish, dear friend, I was going to say: There is but ONE blade that can smite him..." "Well, if there is ONE, then let us be done with it! Get the blade, and have his head smited from his shoulders, end his miserable, worthless life!" Artrix glared at him, "Please, dear friend, don't let your impatience rule you, rule it and make it patience. I was going to say: But IT shall not let that be HIS fate- IT will not allow death to claim HIM--IT will make HIM slew the head off those who mock HIM. HE is IT's servant. IT shall control all those that IT sees fit to control--" "Dear friend, forgive me for my inturupting you, but what is this IT you are refering to?" Omines cut in once more. Artrix sighed deeply." It is unknown...Some say he controls himself, others beleive it it an item he carries with him, like his armor. All that is really known about HIM was that he made a deal with death itself. No one knows why, but I think he was doing it to get something he wanted ...but at a dier price..." Omines blinked. "So, HE turned into what he is now all because he was selfish!" Artrix turned on him then, "I can asure you, friend! What HE was doing to get what HE want...I beleive HE wanted imortality, for what reason, I don't even know," Omines stepped back. "You saying asking for imortality and eturnal youth NOT selfish?! That's the complet meaning of the word!" Artrix looked away. "Omines! Please, HE is a person that has surely suffered many hardships, maybe, asking for imortality was his way of making up for it..." Omines, not seeming pleased, growled. "Artrix! Just how is asking for imortality NOT selfish?! You can live forever- rule forever! And-" "It is the worst punishment a man could ever place upon himself!" Artrix broke in. "How do you mean?" Said Omines, "There is not a soul in Nexerray that does not wish to live as long as HE has- to be imortal!" He was calm then went into a frinze. Artrix, turning away from Kandace and I, sighed again. "But if you live forever, then you can never be in peace." "How?!" Omines snarled. "How can you not be at peace if you live forever?!" Artrix, doing whatever he could to stay unangered, raised up his right arm to the hevans, "Because you may never die! You can not rest in peace, and be with the alpowerful lord himself! And, bless this poor man, if you kill yourself-suicide-Then you shall be casting thyself into the fires of hell itself!" "Well, for all I know, he belongs there! Let him rot!" Omines challanged, knowing Artrix didn't have the pacients to continue the argument any further than it had already gone. Artrix struck the floor of the castle with his staff so hard that a sonic wave, probably from his magic, blasted in all directions, dousing the fires that both lit and warmed the room. "Omines! I did not form this alliance just so we could fight over our daughter's future! I formed it for two resones and two resones only: To free you of that hellhole you call home! And..." Artrix's anger seemed to turn into sorrow. "For Arstrigale's happiness..." He finnished solemly. Omines, being a good friend of Artrigale's, couldn't help but feel some sorrow for her. But that was not enough to settle his anger. "Astrigale's--" Artrix cut him off. "I don't care about what happened to her! I have lost her to darkness! And I shall not allow Jamie's fate to be the same!" He yelled in rage, hate, and sadness. Omines stoped at once, "Artrix...I...I'm sorry. But Astrigale left years ago, and you know the propecy all too well, you can not stop it from happening." Artrix turned away. "I shall not try to ''stop'' it, but just to hold it off..." Omines looked at him. "Artrix, You mean to tell me you are going to 'hold back' the proficy that shall destroy HIM?!" His rage returned. Artrix walked away, leaving Omines with a hollow victory, in silence.
Message #103 Posted on Thursday, May 15, 2008
I'm Mandy. Angela, why don't you go? I'm awful busy, and it was your turn next after her anyway. And (Jamie, was it?) that was a great story. Sorry if I get your name wrong. Anyway, good story. Make sure to put a new paragraph with every new "" words said. Like this....
"No!" She screamed.
"Yes!" He screamed.
Very simple and easy. :) lol, anyway, today is my brothers birthday. Happy birthday to him! lol!
Message #102 Posted on Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I'm Jamie. Mr. Brown might remember me. Well, here is a part in a book I'm working on. Tell me if it's any good. Kandace sat up in a weeping willow, almost compleatly hidden in it's ceaslessly moving vines. I sat on the ground, my knees compleatly hidden in it spoungy exterior. Rosemary was tending to the flowers as she did daily. Unaware of Kandace and myself. Rosemary was in her early tweenties, her love of flower came from her late husband, Sir Valen, he was killed by a creature only read of in The Text Of The Elders, but are now believed that HE is now breeding them for war. Sir Valen was on his was to assist my father when he and his men were ambushed, he was stabbed repeatedly along with his fellow men and were clevery hidden in the Dracomancer Mountain. Rosemary, having lost him to those ancient creatures of myth, never talked about him, but had a small, yet loving funeral for he and his men. Every day she would place flowers on the grave she had made in his honor. Remembering how he had given her her first flower and showed her that, in a garden, any thing can happen, like how they had met in one. She looked around and grabbed a bouquet of shining diamond-heads (Sir Valin's favorite flower) and walked off, singing softly to herself: Look to the sky, what do you see? I see a world that will be a haven for you and me, Angels shall sing there song for us, and we will dance in a field of flowers, dear we must! I shall not fear, for I shall be brave, why? Because you shall drive all my fears into a cave, And you shall not leave me, for I shall not leave you, in sickness and in health till I, too Must go with him, but fear not: Death can not keep us apart Because I shall always have you in my heart. 8:25-44 pm I listened carefuly to the song while Kandace, on the other hand, was trying to find a way to use one of the vines as a bunge cord to steal some of the flowers. 'That song...' I thought to myself. Then, what I was afraid of happened, the branch Kandace sat upon SNAPED. She tumbled down onto the small cart of Rosemary's cherished flowers. CRASH! "What?" Rosemary's said in her soft voice. She turned to see a dazed Kandace and, her worst nightmare come true, a shattered, crumpled cart of her cherished flowers. She gasped, dropping Sir Valin's flowers on the ground, cupping her hand over her mouth. Kandace blinked twice and shook her head, "Oh, my head!" "Why?!" Rosemary cried. "Why would you do such a thing?!" Kandace looked up at her, then at the shatteded cart. "I...I'm sorry, Rosemary." "Please, tell me why you would do such a thing?" Rosemary begged in tears. "I...Me and Jamie were just playing" Kandace stuttered. Rosemary looked at me. "What were you playing exactly?" "Well," Kandace stood up, "Jamie wasn't the one playing...But I was going to take some of your flowers and..." 7:23- 8 am 3/14 "And...?" Rosemary said. "You were taking my flowers because...?" Kandace looked around. "Well, YOUR flowers are the best in ALL of Nexerray, I was going to take a batch and give them to a boy I...I...l-like..." "Well, you could have asked." 11:16-20 pm 3/14 Kandace looked around her, "Yes, I should have..." She looked over at me and mouthed "help". Rosemary looked at me, "Jamie, why are you on your knees? A princess does not do such a thing...*sniff*" 7:57-8:26 pm 3/15 I got up instently. 'Okay, why can't they just let the knee thing go'. I thought to myself. Rosemary turned to Kandace, "Please, I beg you please, just...go..." "But-" Kandace tried to add. "Go now!" Rosemary yelled. Kandace lowered her head. "Jamie, lets go." I sighed and followed her as she walked away. "Kandace, just stop ''playing'', so far, your are ALWAYS going to be caught.". Kandace stopped and looked at me. "Jamie, your wrong! Now look, my dad, so far, is the best rogue alive. He was disapointed to see that my mom had a girl..." "Kandace, no, he's not, and don't say that. He loves-" "Than why do I see him playing with all the other kids?! And not me?! I see him every day, outside, playing with little boys! Throwing them in the air, riding horses, stealing things then returning them saying they saw someone take it so they beat them out of town and get money for it," Kandace yelled, but then sighed deeply, "I just want to be the daughter he can be proud of..." I looked away. "Well, atleast you have a mom that's not going to leave anytime soon..." Kandace looked at me then. "Yeah, well atleast you have a dad that's proud of you." She put her arm around me. "Your mom left, and I feel like my dad left me...But we have each other. We can do anything with your power and my talent." I looked at her with a smile. "I'm only a mage, remember?" Kandace laughed, "And, just because of your being a mage, your going to let that stop you? Jamie, you've got something that no other mage has: me." I pulled my head back, "And?" Kandace started to laugh even harder. "Ok, you have more than just me, I just don't know what else you have that makes you so special. But, you know what, I'm sure you'll find it." 8:47-9:03 pm 3/16 We then walked toward the relaxation area of the garden. There, Kandace made attemps to steal a few apples from the tree without me seeing her-she failed miserabley- later she gave up on her 150th try. Still, she held no apple... "Ok," Kandace said hanging upside down on a short balcony only ten feet off the ground. "I give up." I looked up at her. "I thought you wanted your dad to be proud of you." Kandace looked down at me. "Jamie, trust me, NOTHING, and I repeat, NOTHING, can get past you!" She reached out to her right and gradded an apple of the tree and bit into it. "Well, don't be so sure." I said in a laugh. "TONS of things get passed me!" Kandace crossed her arms, "Then how come I can't?!" We both started to laugh. "Because, you tell me when your doing it." I said. "I'm glad to see you two with your smiling faces." Came a voice.
Message #101 Posted on Monday, May 12, 2008
I'm Maddie. Um, I think that Kathryn's next.
Message #100 Posted on Monday, May 12, 2008
I'm Angela. Hi Mandy! It was Kathryn's turn to write next, but I think she may have forgotten. I think that if a person doesn't write anything for a few days and it's their turn, then the next person can go. If the person is just on vacation or something and really wants to write that part of the story, then they can just tell us and we'll wait for them to get back. You are free to add now to answer you question Mandy! Is everybody okay with this idea?
Message #99 Posted on Sunday, May 11, 2008
I'm Mandy. Did anybody forget to write? I could fill in for someone. I had just checked back to look at the story, and I found it was left unwritten.
Message #98 Posted on Tuesday, May 6, 2008
I'm Maddie. I'm writing this part in the point of view of Jake.
Chapter 2
Jake staggered forward into Meghan's unasuming arms. She lurched at his touch but regained herself and caught him. And the vision melted away as quickly as it had come. Panting slightly, Jake straightened and looked around at the two people in around him. Meghan's face was lined with fear and uncertainty. Ben's eyes were huge and he looked nearly as frightened as his sister. "What-" Ben began. Jake shook himself. "Nothing." he said forcefully. "I'm fine." Meghan still looked frightened. "Maybe-" she began but was interupted as the front door of the house opened and slammed shut. Jake looked up in fear to see two people, whom he thought must be Meghan and Ben's parents. Ben's mom rushed forward and hugged her son. "Oh Ben you scared us!" she said frantically. "Promise me you'll never do that again." Jake caught sight of Ben's anguished face. "I suppose." he mumbled but Jake could have sworn he saw Ben cross his fingers behind his back for the slightest moment. Jake had to suppress a grin. Ben knew how to play the game, that was for sure.
Message #97 Posted on Tuesday, May 6, 2008
I'm Mandy. "Uh, no." Megan said, careful not to explain he was missing.
"Then where is he?"
"Just running around the neighborhood. He likes to explore the new places we move."
"I know your lying! Megan, he hates places like these. And I know what happened last time- wood houses aren't good for people like us."
"Well there is nothing you can do about it!" Megan almost screamed it, but she kept her anger under control, unlike her brother could do. She pushed him out and slammed the door in his face. Once she was sure he was gone, she leaned on the door and sighed.
"Megan?" a tiny voice said.
"Who are you?"
"Your stupid brother."
"Ben! I'm sorry, but we've got to tell mom and dad your okay! They are very worried about you! That was a stupid thing to do, running off like that!"
"Your not my mom." Ben mumbled.
"Don't get mad, Ben, please!" Megan tried to control her voice, and make it sound superior to him, but her voice and her hands were shaking. Ben walked out of his hiding place with a older boy behind him. It wasn't Steven, but somebody else. Megan guessed he was her age. "Who is he?" She said his name like he was a fly, nothing important.
"My name is Jake." Jake answered for himself. "I met him here, while I went to the shack for something to drink. He doesn't have powers, but he has a sister that does." Ben said, smiling to himself, like finding him deserved an award. Megan gave a shy wave to Jake and pulled out her cell phone to call her parents. She explained everything to them and they were happy that he was home.
"But Ben," she finished explaining what their mom and dad had said, "Jake can only stay for a little."
"That's fine!" Ben screamed down to Megan as he ran up the stairs. Jake looked at Megan again, nodded and followed Ben up stairs. Megan sank into the couch that she person that had lived her before had left. Everything seemed to be so crazy today. She heard something on the stairs and she quickly looked over to see what it was. Jake was walking down the
stairs, when he stopped and looked at Megan. "Want to play some games with us?""I'd love to, but.." Jake's sad look made her reconsider. She could wait to help for once. She always helped. "Sure."
When she had played games for a while, Ben left because he had to get a drink. He had lost the game and drinks always cooled his temper down. Jake looked at Megan, and Megan realized he was a cute boy... 'Wow, I think I'm in love' Megan thought. She looked at Jake and smiled. He smiled back and looked like he was going to say something... he was so close to Megan.... Ben barged in. "Hey guys! Ready to play?"
"We are going to play something else.." Jake began. And then he snapped his fingers and four people left the world, Megan and Ben screaming, and Steven looking around, and Jake smiling at Megan... Megan was in love... Ben was in shock... and Steven was ready to take over Earth.
~~~~~~ Hope you guys like it! It was a big twist! Don't make it the end, make it a new 'chapter'. Sorry it took so long, I'm very busy lately.
Message #96 Posted on Monday, May 5, 2008
I'm Kathryn/Errol/Sunny Baudelaire. Hi! Angela, that was really cool! I didn't realise Meghan was older than Ben... LOL. Can't wait for more!
Kathryn
Message #95 Posted on Monday, May 5, 2008
I'm Angela. Hey guys! Sorry it's been a few days! I'm writing this part of the story from Meghan's point of view because I had a HUGE idea for the story a few days ago. ok, here goes it: Meghan stood in the doorway of the empty house. She knew she was the one responsible. Why had she had to give him that death glare in the car? It really wasn't Ben's fault. But of course she had done it anyway, always thinking about herself before others. "Ben isn't the only one who wishes they were different," she thought. She had run in the new house to claim her room when Mom ran in a few minutes later, waling about how Ben had run away, just bolted from the car. Now Mom and Dad were driving around a town they didn't even know looking for Ben. The thought of her little brother running around in a place he had no idea about freaked her out. Meghan closed the door, and decided that she would look around the house a bit. A wooden house, what were her parents thinking? She was just about to go upstairs when she heard a knock at the door. Were they back already? Meghan turned to the door to see the tips of spiky black hair peeking over the top of the window on the door. Oh no, how had he found them already? Meghan remembered the first time she saw that hair. It belonged to someone who said he would help Ben to control his powers. This same person possessed the same powers as Ben, only he supposedly knew how to control them. He and Ben had met just a year before, and had become friends. This person's name was Steven, a seventeen-year-old who had been following around their family ever since Ben had refused to use his powers to help him wreak havoc. Their parents only knew the tip of the iceberg of Ben's powers and the part they didn't know about was Steven. Meghan was frozen, should she run, scream for help? Suddenly he was there beside her. Wow, he must have learned some new uses for his powers. "Hello Meghan," Steven said. "Is Ben home?"
Message #94 Posted on Saturday, May 3, 2008
I'm Mandy. I think that idea is ah-mazing! And I think we should let the story end when it ends...
Message #93 Posted on Friday, May 2, 2008
I'm Kathryn/Errol/Sunny Baudelaire. Hi! That sounds good to me, Angela. When do we finish the story though? I guess we can decide that later.
Kathryn
Message #92 Posted on Friday, May 2, 2008
I'm Maddie. Then I think Angela should go, then Mandy, then me, and then Kathryn. And if no one else wants to participate then we'll keep doing that.
Message #91 Posted on Friday, May 2, 2008
I'm Angela. Hey everyone! I love the twist you gave the story Kathryn!..though I have no idea what I'm going to write after that. Since nobody else has volunteered, do you guys wanna start over [same story] in the same order? I think it's me, Mandy, Maddie, Kathryn. Tell me if ur all ok with this idea. We can keep doing this until someone else wants to join!
Message #90 Posted on Friday, May 2, 2008
I'm Kathryn/Errol/Sunny Baudelaire. The house was made of wood. Wood burned easily. So far, all the places Ben had destroyed had been made of wood. But they had been other places, not very important places. A toilet, a hut with no one living in it, a garage. But this would be his own home. If one thing made him angry, before he knew it the house could be on fire. His family wouldn't just have to move away again, their lives would be in danger. Why hadn't his parents picked a different house? They knew how his powers worked. He felt like they were deliberately making him control his powers. But he couldn't. They were out of control. That was the whole point of the spell. As he saw Meghan go into the house, running eagerly, he made up his mind. He couldn't do this to any of his family, even though he hated them at times. He had only one choice. He ran.
Hope I didn't destroy it too much! :p By the way, who's after me? Because I don't think there was anyone that wanted to do it..
Kathryn
Message #89 Posted on Thursday, May 1, 2008
I'm Maddie. Ben let out a long sigh. Mom glanced back at him. She looked as though she wanted to say something but decided against it and resumed her deadpan stare out the window at the passing countryside. Ben glanced over at Meghan and instantly regreted it when he saw his sister's furious glare. He quickly looked away, feeling sulky again. He didn't blame Meghan for being angry. He knew he would be if he was in her position. But still. He looked out his window again, staring at the passing country. Ben stared out the window for a long time before Dad turned the car into a long gravel driveway. Ben was feeling so depressed that he didn't even try to catch a glimpse at their new home until his father sang out, "We're here!" Relutantly, he raised his eyes to the enormous farmhouse in front of him. What he saw made him want to groan in horror.
Have at it Kathryn!